When someone tells me that they are pregnant I have a million different emotions all at once. of course I am happy for them, but I am also jealous and sad for myself and my situation.
That same week I recieved an email about "Waiting" from a dear friend who can relate to what I have been going through because she has been on this journey as well.
When God asks us to wait it's so easy to question your belief system. It causes you to give way to anger, doubt, to discouragement, envy & inactivity. Waiting presents you with a spiritual choice. Do I allow myself to questions God's goodness and grow bitter & weaker in faith or will I embrace the opportunity of faith that He is giving me?
This journey has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of not letting myself get my hopes up, because that disappointment is so much worse than regular disappointment. Sometimes I feel completely desperate and alone. Then other times I feel hope. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I try to remain positive. I never know when the next emotion is going to rush in, so when I have good days I really try to enjoy them.
I feel the only thing left now is to take it one step at a time and try not to picture my life one way or the other. I can only know what the next step is, not the whole journey. When I try to picture what will be 2 years out, I get overwhelmed & I worry about still not having a child to call min
In the meantime I will pray...and in the end this journey will probably be better than anything I could ever imagine.
