Not Plan A or B...

...I think it's more like we're on plan C or D.

This weekend we had our 3rd insemination appointment. The first time I had to go by myself and I was a lot more emotional that I had anticipated. It just seemed so foreign, unromantic, and unfair. It's just not the way I imagined my future child's moment of conception. I pretty much started crying if anyone said anything to me, even if they were asking me a question completely unrelated. The second time was better, Justin was able to go with me.

The days that lead up to an insemination are very scheduled. Take medicine day 3-7, start using ovulation tests on day 10 until you ovulate, have sex every other day starting on day 12, on the morning that you test positive for ovulation call doctor to schedule insemination. On the morning of insemination Justin does the deed in a specimen cup and then I have to carry the cup under my shirt to keep the sperm warm. Take sperm to lab to be cleaned and have the bad ones taken out. Then they give you a test tube that you take to your appointment. Then you lay on the table (like for a PAP) and they open you up and insert a catheter inside where they release the sperm. Then they prop your butt up for about 10 minutes and you then you go on your merry way. The next two weeks drag on and then you know if it worked or not.

This time when I went to pick up the specimen cup the lady wanted a doctor to give me directions, I said that wasn't necessary we've done it before. I guess you could say we are professionals now, which in this case is not a good thing. I have been really trying to be more hopeful this time. I have a friend that did insemination 3 weeks ago and it worked for her the first time. But with being hopeful, comes consequences if it doesn't work. I will be overcome with grief for a day or two and then I'll put the wall back up, pick myself up and carry on. BUT hopefully it won't come to that!

After the insemination as the doctor was leaving I could tell Justin was about to say something and then thought better of it. After the doctor left Justin said he almost said, "thanks for knocking up my wife." There are funny moments and hopefully one day the whole thing will be a distant memory that is not so raw.